Stop being a doormat

Ms. Slim is having some epic growing pains on the career front. Okay, "epic" is an exaggeration, but I can sure feel them. Learning to stand up for myself isn't easy.

Until recently, I had avoided out-and-out conflict at work, preferring to surrender rather than cross swords. This habit hasn't always stood me in good stead, as you might imagine.

In my no-longer-quite-so-new role, playing the nice card doesn't work as well as it did when I was assisting a high-powered manager. Luckily for me, our on-the-ball HR department recently organized a series of webinars on... how to navigate difficult conversations. Jackpot! I couldn't make all of the sessions, but the ones I heard were packed with useful information.

I love this quote. I wish Queen Elizabeth had
said it. (The web's been attributing it to the monarch of Merry England. LOL.)

Did you know there are techniques you can use to state your case clearly so that you don't feel tempted to back down?! Mind-blowing! That there are ways to describe a problem without immediately raising the other person's hackles? That it's possible to respond to excuses, threats, defensiveness or statements you disagree with in such a way as to get your message heard?

Obviously, two webinars do not an ex-doormat make, which also means that it will be a while before I can give you any tips of my own. In the meantime, grow your straight-up vocabulary with a little help from Barry Moltz's powerhouse phrases. While you're at it, read Do you know when to shut up? to find out why less (in the way of words) can be more.

Excuse me while I pick myself up off the floor.:)

Gained weight? Gratitude can help you out.

Ms. Slim is not looking her slimmest -- or even slim at all -- these days. This is something I ought to
be able to laugh about or let go of, knowing that I'm doing all I can to change the situation for the better. Instead, I frowned my way through Friday, nearly turning several unfortunate passersby into stone statues along Commercial Drive. Once I finally got a grip, I decided I'd write a special post urging those of you who mope over weight gain to do the opposite, and go for gratitude instead.

It's easier said than done, of course, especially when the number on your scale passes the tipping point. But beating yourself up about an extra pound or two (or more:S) isn't going to help you change your habits or fit into the clothes you're saving for a slim day. It will, however, sap your energy and make it harder for you to change your habits for the better.

So what does work, both to keep you and everyone around you sane, and to get you back on track? Counting your blessings! If you're having a bad day on the health front, remind yourself of your assets, inside and out: the brightness of your eyes; your sense of adventure; your magic hands; your deadly wit; the way you bring people together. Perhaps you're surrounded by a wonderful community or a beautiful family. Maybe you love your work or have a hobby that fires you up. There's a good chance that you live in a democratic society with the rights and freedoms that come with it, not to mention clean drinking water, three square meals a day, and a long list of other bonuses besides... In sum, there are bound to be things about your life that make it glow; the hard part is remembering them when you feel like you've smacked head-first into a problem and have the bruises to prove it.

When this happens, dear reader, do yourself and the world a favour: pick yourself up, give yourself a shake, and follow it up with a gratitude injection. Wondering where to start? Watch this geeky clip on gratitude and happiness. Or find yourself a copy of M.J. Ryan's Attitudes of Gratitude, which is perfect for morning, bedtime or bathroom reading, and guaranteed to get you in the gratitude groove.

See you on the sunny side of the street.:)