Cleaning out your dreams closet

Dreams are wonderful things. They inspire us, nourish us, propel us forward to new accomplishments, and often make us better. We humans are truly blessed to have them. We can also outgrow them. Sometimes, dreams need replacing, a little like clothing that has served so well we've finally worn it out or which, after years of service, doesn't suit our age and stage.

This happened to me a few weeks ago, when I laid a cherished dream to rest. As you will discover if you read on, however, I feel freer and happier now. I thought I would share the story with you in case you have a similarly outdated dream hanging in your closet.

The catalyst for this retirement was a conversation with a friend (somewhat influenced by The Big Bang Theory episode in which Penny proposes to Leonard.:)) We were talking about my aspirations so she could help me to make some important decisions. I told her what I'd been dreaming of for the last seven years, ever since I'd moved from Montreal to Vancouver. In brief, I wanted to turn my passion for mental and physical well-being into a career and, eventually, into my own business. I'd mulled over what this might look like and investigated a number of pathways, from nutritionist/personal trainer/yoga instructor to HR specialist to psychologist before settling on a combination of counsellor and life coach.

To make a long story short, we realized that I had two options: I could either keep dreaming and getting more frustrated with my life or I could act. Time has a way of speeding by, and if I didn't do something now, I wasn't likely to get around to it until it was too late.

Back at home, I proceeded to find out what it would take in terms of time, schooling and experience to go from apprentice fundraiser to counsellor/life coach. The answer: a handful of prerequisites ($2,700), two years' worth of full-time studies ($50,000), living costs ($36,000), and the courage to re-enter the work force at the bottom of the food chain. The price tag wasn't trivial, and there would be a certain amount of risk involved, but I thought I could handle it.

It took two info sessions, much web surfing and a handful of interviews with practicing counsellors before I'd narrowed down the contenders a single school. There was just one fly in the ointment. The institution in question has a strong social-justice bent, and I didn't think I shared its views entirely. As a final precaution, I made appointments to speak with two program directors -- one for each of the master's of psychology degrees I was interested in.

On a beautiful, slightly chilly spring morning, an expectant Ms. Slim found herself in the waiting room of her future alma mater. Exactly two meetings and two-and-a-half hours later, she stepped into the sunlight dazed and confused.

I'd gone in expecting to rubber stamp my plans for the future. I'd come out -- turned around. What had happened?

**Stay with me for the next post. I'm further from the finish line than I expected, and I don't want to foist a mammoth entry on you.**

How to go out (or party in) without overindulging

In my last post, I promised I'd share some of my triggers for eating too much at (and after) parties and, more importantly, the solutions I've come up with for avoiding this kind of social splurging. Here they are! See if anything rings true for you: perhaps you can use my coping strategies, too.

Trigger 1: Post-party cleanup. Often, after I close my apartment door behind the last guest and survey my apartment, I realize that I have a dispiriting amount of cleanup to do -- dispiriting at midnight on a Saturday night, at any rate, when thoughts of a comfy duvet-covered bed dance in my head. When this realization hits, it seems only logical that I should put off the inevitable by eating some of the delicious leftovers. This is a perfect procrastination mechanism, easily accomplished while standing in the kitchen halfheartedly tidying, and it makes the clean-up seem more palatable. The only problem is, by this point, I don't need anything more to eat or drink.

Solution: My guests are some of the nicest people around. Most of the time, at least one person offers to help me do the dishes before heading home. So, the next time I'm asked if I'd like help cleaning up, I'm going to say yes! Trust me, there's much less temptation to help yourself to another two slices of cake or five servings of cheese if you have witnesses.:) And cleaning up is easier and nicer with company.

Trigger 2: Tiredness. Late at night, after I've just come in from an evening out, my body seems to think food is an important part of my bed-time routine. "You need to relax before you get ready for bed," a persuasive voice purrs in my ear. "Think how tired and unmotivated you feel, and what a nice diversion it will make to eat something tasty! Just one little snack and then you'll be ready to wind down." Suffice it to say that the persuasive voice often wins me over, and my "one little snack" has a tendency to morph into an apres-dinner dinner which I heartily regret the next morning.

Solution: I make it as easy as possible to go to bed. If this means leaving clothes hanging on chairs instead of in the closet or going to sleep without flossing, so be it. And I firmly tell that persuasive voice how much I'd rather dream than eat, especially since breakfast is just a sleep away.:)


Trigger 3: Hunger. Whether I'm throwing or going to a party, when I get that oh-am-I-ever-hungry
feeling before the bash gets underway, I tend to overindulge. Eating with abandon seems like a good idea at the time, and it's rather fun if parties are few and far between, but it's an absolute killer if it happens too often in a short time frame.

Solution: When I'm decently nourished from the get-go, I rarely splurge.  Thus, if I haven't eaten for a few hours and am heading out or getting ready for a dinner party at home, I often have a snack -- preferably one that contains a bit of protein, a bit of carbohydrate and a bit of fat. Some of my favourite and most reliable combos are:

• lightly salted, roasted soya nuts
• 1/2C to 1 C of plain  yogourt (any kind that's creamy and yummy) and a few nuts
• 1 C steamed green and wax beans and baby (seasoned with a dash of sweet rice vinegar), a slice or two of avocado and a boiled egg
• a slice of extra-firm tofu, half a piece of fruit and a few nuts

You'd be surprised at how effective the pre-party snack can be. It makes a real difference for me, and I bet it will for you, too.

Trigger 4: Alcohol. Celebration and alcohol go hand in hand. Trouble is, even a single mixed drink or one glass of wine makes it harder for me to keep to my eat-(and-drink)-carefully-at-parties resolution, and I hate to disappoint my friends and family by teetotaling the night away. So, what's a good-natured, wine-appreciating gal to do?

Solution: Whenever possible, I take my drink with food and, should my host prove especially hospitable and quick to refill my glass, I usually have a glass of water going at the same time. This is especially important because I haven't yet trained myself to sip my drink in a ladylike fashion. The double-fisting technique slows down my rate of (alcohol) imbibement and pretty well nixes the threat of regrets the next morning.

I ate too much at a party -- again. What can I do about it?

I'm typing this post the morning after a dinner party with two of my closest girlfriends. As you might imagine, we had a great time together. Today, however, I'm suffering the consequences of feasting like a half-starved medieval peasant. And believe me, I was not half-starved, nor do I look it. Thank goodness foodie souls of self control like Mireille Giuliano -- the wise and witty woman behind French Women Don't Get Fat -- can't hear me or see me now!

Slight hangover? Tick. Overeater's remorse? Tick. In whose world is it okay to treat food, my mental disciplinarian asks me severely, as if it were a cure-all? What am I doing eating with abandon whenever the social opportunity arises? Is it not possible for me to host or attend dinner parties without spending the next 48 hours in purgatory, followed by a week of flawless behaviour to erase the effects of my rampage? (This math doesn't work anymore, by the way, since I have the great good luck to be eating with friends and family more often than once a week.)

So I made a muck of things last night. What can I do about? And if you've got the same problem, what can you do about it?

Admit that you ate more than you wanted to, then move on. You've just eaten enough to feed a sumo wrestler? It may not be easy, but you need to let go of it. Sure, it wasn't a great decision, and it moved you away from your goal of health and well-being, but it's not the end of the world. It's in the past now, and no matter how long and hard you beat yourself up for it, you won't be able to time travel back to change it. Not anytime soon, anyway. But you have the present with and the future ahead of you, and you can make better decisions starting now.

Try again, right away. And be kind to yourself. Instead of slouching through the day wrapped in a blanket of self-pity or stomping about your business with a storm cloud over your head, treat yourself and your near and dear ones with love. Eat a healthy breakfast. Get to that yoga class, or go for a walk or a run. At work, focus on moving your team's project ahead, not what you didn't do right last night.

Get to know your triggers, then come up with strategies for avoiding them in the future. (Caveat: You may need to come back to this step over and over again until you fill your tool kit with tricks that work.) Here are a few of my triggers:

• Post-party cleanup
• Tiredness
• Hunger
• Alcohol

In my next post, I'll share some of the strategies that work for me.