Stop being a doormat

Ms. Slim is having some epic growing pains on the career front. Okay, "epic" is an exaggeration, but I can sure feel them. Learning to stand up for myself isn't easy.

Until recently, I had avoided out-and-out conflict at work, preferring to surrender rather than cross swords. This habit hasn't always stood me in good stead, as you might imagine.

In my no-longer-quite-so-new role, playing the nice card doesn't work as well as it did when I was assisting a high-powered manager. Luckily for me, our on-the-ball HR department recently organized a series of webinars on... how to navigate difficult conversations. Jackpot! I couldn't make all of the sessions, but the ones I heard were packed with useful information.

I love this quote. I wish Queen Elizabeth had
said it. (The web's been attributing it to the monarch of Merry England. LOL.)

Did you know there are techniques you can use to state your case clearly so that you don't feel tempted to back down?! Mind-blowing! That there are ways to describe a problem without immediately raising the other person's hackles? That it's possible to respond to excuses, threats, defensiveness or statements you disagree with in such a way as to get your message heard?

Obviously, two webinars do not an ex-doormat make, which also means that it will be a while before I can give you any tips of my own. In the meantime, grow your straight-up vocabulary with a little help from Barry Moltz's powerhouse phrases. While you're at it, read Do you know when to shut up? to find out why less (in the way of words) can be more.

Excuse me while I pick myself up off the floor.:)

Recipe alert: Leek, eggplant and tomato roast

Today's leek, eggplant and tomato roast falls into the happy-accident recipe category. A good friend was coming over for lunch on the weekend, and I had a leek and some Campari tomatoes to use up, not to mention a skinny Japanese eggplant and a plump orphan garlic clove.  Tada! Necessity gave birth to this pleasant culinary invention.

It takes all of 10 minutes from fridge to oven, another 35 minutes of roasting, and then you're away to the races. Read on to find out how to make this irresistibly easy dish.

Leek, eggplant and tomato roast

 Ingredients:

• 8-10 Campari tomates, halved
• 1 leek, minus dried out or damaged leaves, sliced in 1/2" rounds
• 1 smallish Japanese eggplant

• 1-2+ cloves garlic, minced
• 1 Tbsp balsamic vinegar
• 1 Tbsp olive oil
• 1 tsp+ herbes de Provence  
• salt and pepper, to taste

 Preparation:

1. Preheat oven to 400F and set a rack in the centre.
2. Line baking pan with parchment paper.
3. Wash and chop vegetables.
4. Mince garlic.
5. Toss vegetables in balsamic vinegar and olive oil, then add minced garlic, herbes de Provence, salt and pepper.
6. Once vegetables are evenly covered, pour onto the baking pan. (And modify suggested amounts of balsamic and olive oil as needed. I added both liquids by guess and by gosh, and these are my best estimates.)
7. For best results, set the tomatoes cut-side down on the parchment paper. They will cook best this way. There's no need to do this for the leek or eggplant rounds.
8. Pop pan into preheated oven. Bake for 25 to 35 minutes, or as long as it takes for vegetables to turn into mouth-watering medley.
9. Serve as hot side to a main dish -- say leek and spinach frittata, for instance.:) You'll like the way the sweet, savoury and smoky flavours mingle.

 Tell me how it goes!

Recipe alert: Leek and spinach frittata

I've missed blogging away for you over the past 2 weeks. Between beautiful, sunny days, a month of free Netflix, shopping for (pretty) curtains, proofing a friend's job application and serving as a main course for a swarm of woman-eating black flies whose bites I mistook for the work of bed bugs, life has been on the full side. Thank God for good friends, kind parents, a nice boss, and yoga!

You'll be glad to hear that I haven't neglected cooking, though, and that I've invented two splendid, simple recipes for you to try: a leek and spinach frittata garnished with slices of Campari tomatoes, and a side dish of roasted veggies using the leftover leeks and Camparis, plus a Japanese eggplant.

Tonight, I have just enough time to divulge the secret of the toothsome...

Leek and Spinach Frittata

Ingredients:

• ghee or butter and coconut oil
• 2 c baby spinach leaves, washed and chopped
• 1 leek, chopped in 1/4" rounds (use the deep-green leaves, too, but cut away any that are tough or dry)
• 15 egg whites (or 1 x 500g container of egg whites or 7.5 eggs)
• 1/4 c Parmesan cheese
• 1 tsp thyme
• pinch of nutmeg
• salt and pepper, to taste
• 2-3 Campari tomatoes, sliced in rounds

Yellow tulips sunnified my late-April weekend

Preparation:

1. Rinse the leeks and spinach separately. Get rid of as much sand or dirt as you can.
2. Chop the leeks and spinach.
3. Preheat oven to 400F. Make sure one of the racks is in the middle.
4. Put a 9.5" oven-friendly frying pan on medium.
5. Once it heats up -- not before -- add enough ghee to cover the bottom of the pan. (Ghee gives the frittata a deeper flavour and a nice density.)
6. Pour in the chopped leeks. Saute them until they get soft, but not flaccid.
7. Add the spinach. Saute it until it wilts and the leek rounds are quite soft and almost falling apart.
8. Scrape the leek and spinach mixture out of the frying pan into a separate container.
9. Wash frying pan and grease inside with coconut oil.
10. Pour egg whites into a bowl. Whisk them a little: you don't need to do much.
11. Add Parmesan cheese, herbes de Provence, salt, pepper, and nutmeg.
12. Add leek and spinach mixture.
13. Quickly stir everything together.
14. Pour mixture into greased frying pan.
15. Decorate with rounds of Campari tomatoes. If you feel so moved, mill some pepper over the top.
16. Set frying pan on middle rack in preheated oven.
17. Set timer for ca. 25 minutes. It make take longer for your frittata to cook. You'll know it's ready when the edges are golden and your egg pie swells up in the centre.
18. Let it cool, then cut it in wedges.
19. Pair with a side of roasted leeks, tomates and eggplant, and congratulate yourself on a job well done.

Next up: simple and succulent roasted veggies... Stay tuned!

Gained weight? Gratitude can help you out.

Ms. Slim is not looking her slimmest -- or even slim at all -- these days. This is something I ought to
be able to laugh about or let go of, knowing that I'm doing all I can to change the situation for the better. Instead, I frowned my way through Friday, nearly turning several unfortunate passersby into stone statues along Commercial Drive. Once I finally got a grip, I decided I'd write a special post urging those of you who mope over weight gain to do the opposite, and go for gratitude instead.

It's easier said than done, of course, especially when the number on your scale passes the tipping point. But beating yourself up about an extra pound or two (or more:S) isn't going to help you change your habits or fit into the clothes you're saving for a slim day. It will, however, sap your energy and make it harder for you to change your habits for the better.

So what does work, both to keep you and everyone around you sane, and to get you back on track? Counting your blessings! If you're having a bad day on the health front, remind yourself of your assets, inside and out: the brightness of your eyes; your sense of adventure; your magic hands; your deadly wit; the way you bring people together. Perhaps you're surrounded by a wonderful community or a beautiful family. Maybe you love your work or have a hobby that fires you up. There's a good chance that you live in a democratic society with the rights and freedoms that come with it, not to mention clean drinking water, three square meals a day, and a long list of other bonuses besides... In sum, there are bound to be things about your life that make it glow; the hard part is remembering them when you feel like you've smacked head-first into a problem and have the bruises to prove it.

When this happens, dear reader, do yourself and the world a favour: pick yourself up, give yourself a shake, and follow it up with a gratitude injection. Wondering where to start? Watch this geeky clip on gratitude and happiness. Or find yourself a copy of M.J. Ryan's Attitudes of Gratitude, which is perfect for morning, bedtime or bathroom reading, and guaranteed to get you in the gratitude groove.

See you on the sunny side of the street.:)

Has your period stopped? You may be eating too much soy.

Ladies, if soy is a staple of your diet and you've stopped getting your period, your favourite vegetable protein may be part of the problem.

Say what?! Really. Read on.

If you've browsed Goodbye, anorexia!, you'll know that I had amenorrhea, the technical term for not menstruating, for several years. There were some undeniable positives to the situation: no tampons, pads or blood stains, no irrational chocolate cravings, and above all, no PMS!

The pros paled, however, in comparison with the cons. Here are the worst of the bunch:

• you can lose bone density, increasing your risk of developing osteoporosis;
• your sex drive may drop; and
• getting pregnant is out of the question (so far as I know.:)).

Except during the years when I wasn't eating enough, none of my doctors, kind and dedicated as they were, had any idea why my period was MIA. They eliminated the usual suspects, from pregnancy to stress to a highly active lifestyle, and even prescribed me a hormone. Still nothing.

Then, eureka! On Christmas Day 2013 -- while at church, of all places:) -- I got my period for the first time in ages. By the New Year, it had gone underground again. There was a silver lining, though. When my period came back for good this January, I finally realized why it had been gone for so long.

Tofu -- cheap, easy to prepare and vegetarian-friendly -- had been my go-to protein source for years. What I hadn't realized is that the isoflavines found in soy protein can mimic the hormone estrogen. They can bind to estrogen receptors, taking the place of the real McCoy. Since soy doesn't have the same properties as estrogen, it presumably can't do everything this hormone can. One of the things it might not be able to do -- this is my theory -- is trigger menstruation.

When I finally connected the dots this spring, I could see that the times when I menstruated coincided with the times when I was eating only small amounts of soy. Before my Christmas miracle, I'd been sharing meals with my parents for at least a week. Their diet is rich in animal protein, and tofu makes only rare appearances on the menu.

What about this January? In the New Year, I was happily chowing down on an abundance of meat, fish and eggs. Tofu wasn't out of the picture, but it certainly wasn't shouldering the burden for providing me with protein, as it had in the past.

March was the clincher. I went back to tofu in a big way. Just like that, period off. And when I started eating meat, fish and eggs in April and dialed back on the tofu... period on!

I wish I could say this was a scientific account backed up by reams of carefully conducted research. It isn't. That said, if you have amenorrhea and you eat soy -- and you're not pregnant, unusually stressed, underweight or exercising like an elite athlete -- try an experiment. Kibosh the soy, or at the very least, stop eating so much of it. Go Paleo, if it helps. With any luck, you'll get the curse again.:)

Oscarina the Grouch

This has not been a banner week for me. Yesterday night found me sitting on my kitchen floor between the fridge and the garbage can, munching on the goodies I'd bought at a bake sale earlier in the day -- and consigned to the garbage can minutes earlier to avoid a situation like this one. After all, what income-generating North American woman in her right mind fishes food out of her own garbage?! Me, apparently. Then again, I wasn't in my right mind. I was Oscarina the Grouch.

Here are some of the random events that led up to my grumpy cross-legged chomp-down:
- my parents' car was broken into while they were away on holidays, in part because I didn't put on their Club lock;
- for good measure, I then added a light scratch to the bumper of my dad's second car, his beloved red Honda;
- at work, I've been expending a lot of energy monitoring how I communicate with my immediate manager, who's easily irritated by the straight talk that comes naturally to me;
- my wardrobe and I do not appreciate one another, and I refuse to buy new clothes until I reach my target size and shape;
- I need to screw up the courage to tell an acquaintance how her inconsiderate behaviour is affecting me rather than quietly avoiding her, but keep putting off the moment of truth;
- when my parents invited me over for dinner -- after I'd told them about the fates of their cars, to which they'd responded in the nicest possible way -- I lit into my jetlagged mom on a topic I can't even remember.

Looked at like that, I haven't had as tough a time as I've been making out. In fact, I've been making other people's lives tough. I've got some growing up to do, including saving enough to buy a car of my own.

Fortunately, this is a good time to start. I have five days of holidays, beginning this morning. And Easter weekend is going to be a time of rest, relaxation, and connection with near ones and dear ones.

I wish the same for you.

Not achieving your goal? Take the pressure down a notch.

I used to tie myself up into a very tight knot when I wasn't making headway toward a goal.
These days, I still waste energy this way, but I have a trick to help me out.

You know the proverb, a watched kettle never boils? Stop watching the kettle. That's it, in a nutshell. Take away the pressure. Focus on a part of your life where you *can* make progress. Let go!

I'll illustrate. My friend is an experienced runner. He's fit, slim and exceptionally strong. Several years ago, he decided he would run his first marathon. He was in great shape for it, and it seemed a no-brainer -- except for one thing: every time he upped his mileage to the prescribed pre-marathon distances, he got shin splints. And every time he got shin splints, they were so painful, they sabotaged his plans to run a marathon. 

One day, my friend decided his approach wasn't working. Instead of running himself into the ground or giving up on his goal, he put the marathon on hold, took his workouts down several notches, and found new and absorbing things to focus on.

He learned to play the guitar and volunteered to help a Somali refugee get established in Canada. At the same time, slowly and gently, and without the pressure of a deadline, he built up his strength and stamina.

One year, one musical skill and a minimum of one friend richer, my friend ran his first marathon. Guess what? No shin splints.

What about you? Do you have a goal you want to meet and can't seem to? Could you drop the deadline for now and focus on another area of your life where you *are* making progress?

Recipe alert: Make your own pesto

Fedandfit's divine cheese-free pesto recipe is perfect for spring. In fact, it's perfect for any season, as long as you know where to find cheap, fresh basil. Should you have the good fortune to live in Vancouver, you can buy the entire (short) ingredient list at the West End's Aria Market.

Your friendly test-kitchen chef made a velvety green batch this morning, replacing the pine nuts with walnuts, which were easier to come by and easier on the wallet. You could do this, too. Other substitutes that would work nicely in the place of pine nuts (I think:)) include cashews, hazelnuts, pumpkin and sunflower seeds.

Lastly, you don't need a food processor, even though Fedandfit's recipe calls for one. A regular or immersion blender works just as well.

Happy spring!
 

Getting inspiration close to (and far from) home

I'm surrounded by friends and family members who inspire me. They are down-to-earth, kindhearted people, and their successes bring a smile to my lips. Here's a random sampling of the challenges they're tackling:

• living in South Korea for six months, and attending university *in Korean*;
• completing a master's degree while working full time, with plans to help women in the developing world;
• raising children and keeping a family running smoothly, and showing love and good judgment in good times and in bad;
• simultaneously studying to become a nurse, working in a care home and teaching ballet (not to mention filling people's days with sunshine);
• looking after a sibling who experienced a particularly nasty divorce, and helping him get back on his feet;
• caring for a mother who has dementia whilst running a business in which it's tough to make ends meet, and doing so with humour and grace;
• teaching marvellous and affordable community yoga and pilates classes -- in her seventies(!);
• succeeding in the high stakes game of options trading, having carefully experimented and taught himself about the field for years.

Still on the subject of inspiration, this time both human and divine,  try borrowing a copy of Come Be My Light, about Mother Teresa.

Although the narrator admittedly comes across as a bit of a drip at times, the excerpts from Mother's Teresa's letters are something else. Did you know, for instance, that this wonderful woman had something very like a severe case of depression for 50 years, yet still founded a religious order which now ministers to the poorest and sickest people around the world? That's inspiration for you!

Turning envy into energy

Ever had a friend tell you about something great she's doing and felt a twinge of envy deep within? It happens to the best of us.

Fortunately, in spite of its nefarious qualities, envy has an upside. It's absolutely brilliant at uncovering the things we want. Consequently, envy can give us the swift kick in the seat of the pants that sets us on the path to positive action, provided we take the time to reframe our thoughts.

The next time envy strikes, try this:

• Ask yourself if your reaction is telling you something about your own goals and desires. Is starting an herb garden, getting certified as a yoga instructor, making a trip to Antarctica suddenly becoming a higher priority? What is it that you really, really want?
• Use the sense of urgency you're feeling to figure out how you'll achieve your goal.
• Get started on step one of your action plan.

Knowing what you want and working to achieve it is the best way I can think of to thwart envy and channel its energy in a positive direction. Why eat your heart out when you can celebrate some else's good fortune wholeheartedly?

Goodbye, anorexia!

In January, I got a present: my period. I hadn't had it for over ten years, not counting Christmas Day 2013, when it mysteriously, wondrously and briefly reappeared in the middle of a church service.

In hindsight, I can't help but smile at my cluelessness. I couldn't figure out why I was moody and craving chocolate (more than usual), or what made my breasts tender of a sudden. Nor did the bloating tip me off. Any other woman of 35 would have known what was up, but not me. I'd been periodless for so long that I chalked it up to a lingering symptom of the flu.

The prodigal period is back for good, and I'm grateful through and through. Roll your eyes if you like: I won't be offended. My period is the sign I've been waiting for, the confirmation that my body has fully recovered from a relatively short but nasty period of self-imposed starvation. I had given up on it, and here it is!

From the outside, you'd never know I'd weighed just shy of 100 lbs at my slightest. You wouldn't guess that I had lost so much hair, I thought I would have bald patches for the rest of my life. Or that I was still pinching what I imagined was fat around my waist -- it was skin, actually -- when there wasn't any fat left to go. Today, like many Canadian women my age, I'm doing my darndest to watch what I eat and exercise regularly in hopes of keeping the scale from creeping up.

I won't pretend I don't look in the mirror every day to gauge where I'm at, size-wise. I'm rather obsessive this way. And yes, I still miss the petite gal I used to be. Thank God, though, I finally understand that the single-minded pursuit of skinny is a dead end.

To anyone reading this blog who might wish to be feather-light and Twiggy slim: if this isn't your natural shape and size, please choose a more enriching goal. It's not that being fit and healthy aren't admirable objectives. They are. By all means, drop a size or two on the way there. But if you're genuinely carrying a few pounds too many, losing fat ought to be a byproduct of making good decisions. It shouldn't happen because you're so restricting your diet and beefing up your exercise routine that you lose sight of all else.

Take it from someone who has lived through both binge-eating disorder and anorexia: set your sights on skinny and you risk focusing so narrowly on one objective that you lose touch with life, with the people you care for, and the interesting, good and true parts of yourself that need your TLC to develop.

Many things will bring you more happiness than having a double-0 waist. Take these, for example: charity, strength, kindness, courage, honesty, patience and good judgment. Or what about these: a partner and children you love with all your heart, a calling or a cause you're passionate about, friends and family who brighten your every day. Feed your creativity and your heart, and forget starving your body and mind. L'Chaim!

Recipe alert: Easy cauliflower tabouleh

In the past, I haven't been a big fan of cauliflower. This was especially true in 2014, when it was
dubbed health food of the year, and the price tag on the hitherto humble veg soared.

But I'm revising my prejudices in 2015. Yes, the friendly cauli is quite messy, and it develops brown spots if left to its own devices for more than a day or two, but it's got lots of health benefits to make up for these deficits. Most importantly, prepared with care, it can taste pretty darn good.

You really should try this quick and easy cauliflower tabbouleh. I'm certain you'll like it. It would be especially refreshing on a hot day -- not the middle of January, which is the time I've picked to share it with you. Try garnishing it with avocado and serving it with steamed green beans or roasted asparagus and a nice salmon steak. You could also throw in some diced coloured bell peppers to give it more colour.

N.B. If you're like me, you may find the powdered garlic a bit much. In this case, try substituting finely minced fresh garlic.

Recipe alert: Baked eggs with kale

Looking for an easy and delicious egg dish for breakfast or brunch? Check out Patty Javier Gomez's baked eggs. The preparation and ingredients are simple, and the result is heaven in a ramekin.

Ingredients:

2 eggs
2 stalks kale
1/2 onion, chopped
1 tbsp. coconut oil
1 tbsp. apple cider vinegar
1/4 jalapeno, chopped
4-5 olives, pitted and diced
1 tsp. dried basil
1 tsp. chili powder
Salt and pepper to taste

Preparation:

1. Sautee onion, kale in coconut oil.
2. When onions are soft, add apple cider vinegar.
3. Add spices and sautee for 3-5 minutes more.
4. Scoop out mixture and put into small ramekins.
5. Add diced olives and jalapenos.
6. Crack an egg over mixture.
7. Bake at 400F for 10-15 min. or until egg is cooked.
8. Serve with a side of sauerkraut and avocado for a delicious breakfast/brunch!

Virtues matter

Do you ever catch yourself thinking petty thoughts or realize you're getting hot under the collar over a minor inconvenience? Blame someone because you don't want to accept your part in a misunderstanding? Or walk away from a situation in which another person could use your help?

I've been guilty of all of the above. I suspect you have been, too. It's natural, in the sense that we are all creatures of dark and light. But that doesn't mean that bad behaviour is right or inevitable.

Over the past few years, I've noticed darkness seeping into my character little by little. I've seen compassion dim, and courage take a back seat in my life (not that I was especially courageous to begin with.:)) Fortunately for me, some of my jerkazoid reactions have finally caught up with me -- at work, where the consequences of my actions will be painful and materialize faster than in other parts of my life.

This particular prise de conscience has been five months in the making. When September began, I stepped into a promotion. I was thrilled to be exchanging my old title and responsibilities for more glamorous ones. I knew my manager-to-be wasn't as alert or quick-thinking as the one I was leaving. But I wanted the promotion, and I decided I would find a way to work smoothly with her. The best-laid plans...

At first, we got along. Just. The moment I stepped into my new role, I set about reorganizing electronic filing systems, updating letters and forms, reinventing and documenting data-entry processes, and generally feeling smug about how smart I was. Manager #2 let me forge ahead, albeit with some reluctance, and I got into the habit of disrespecting her when I thought she had said or done something stupid. (I am admitting to this not because I'm proud of it, but because honesty is the best policy in a case like mine, and the only way to cure meanness.)

Five months later, I'm reaping the crop I've sown: especially scratchy brambles. It's not a happy result, but I hope it will teach me the importance of virtues like respect, compassion, courage, humility and patience.

This short chapter of my life has gotten me thinking about the meaning of character and integrity. If you, like me, are interested in  learning more more about them, I would recommend a series of essays on character and leadership that I found in the Washington Post. It's a light and interesting way to get started.

Funny Monday

It feels absolutely bloody marvellous to sit at home sipping mineral water and mint tea whilst typing away quietly for a few minutes. What a day it's been!

To begin with, I have my period. This is not an earth-shattering event, I realize, but since it's an annual occurrence at most (the last time I had my P, it started on Christmas Day 2013, and before that, it had been years), I'm not as good at managing it as I might be. It also explains why, on Saturday, my body felt as bruised as if I'd had a CrossFit workout the day before. So I'm annuating. Besides that, my scalp is at its driest and flakiest. This is not a beauty week.

On a positive note, work went well today. I had gotten myself into a knot about returning to my post after Christmas; when on holidays, I tend to romanticize laze time and make up reasons why I don't enjoy my job. But now that I'm back in the groove, I can see how lucky I am to be surrounded by a team of honest, hard-working people.

My immediate supervisor is kind and hasn't the slightest tendency to micromanage. She encourages me in anything that will help me to learn or grow. Our assistant, who was a little crusty when I first joined the team in September, volunteered to help me send out a mailing this morning, and in a friendly way alerted me to the fact that bits of my scalp were coming adrift on my shoulders so I could take care of the cosmetic emergency.

Some ad copy I had come up with didn't sit well with my Ueberboss, but she pointed out its weaknesses calmly and constructively, and I was able to make the changes she asked for quickly. She is a damn good manager.

So, a funny day, a bit. I'm just glad for the cosy silence in my apartment, and for the time to put a few things to rights at home. (There was no yoga for me tonight, period oblige.)

Je suis Charlie

Wednesday's usually my night to relax and cocoon. Now that Christmas and New Year's have passed, I'm settling back into my cosy old routine, with a twist: instead of tea on my night table, I've brewed myself a cup of delightfully dark decaf, and added a square of Lindt chocolate to complete the experience. A heavenly combination.

What's going down otherwise?

In the world culinary, I've found two recipes to test over the next few days: hunter stew and roasted butternut squash soup, both of which I discovered thanks to Paleo Grubs.

And now for more serious news... On the way home from work today, I saw a group of quiet but determined people, some wearing or bearing white signs, on the steps of the Vancouver Art Gallery and in the square immediately before it. The VAG -- gotta love the acronym -- is often the site of peaceful demonstrations. This time, a sombre atmosphere pervaded the square. There were candles glowing here and there in the small crowd, as if this were a vigil commemorating the victims of a mass murder. The language I heard as I passed by was French. When I came near enough to make out the words on a sign, I saw it read, JE SUIS CHARLIE.

A few hours later, sitting at my computer, I've discovered what the vigil meant. From what I can gather, three Islamic terrorists gunned down 12 employees of a satirical Paris weekly called Charlie Hebdo because... get this: the magazine published cartoons that made fun of the Prophet Muhammad.

I'm not generally a fan of publications that lampoon religion, and definitely not when the motive is malice pure and simple. But I have to hand it to CH, and especially to the cartoonists and journalists who lost their lives because they had the guts to point out what's wrong with fundamentalist Islam. It doesn't strike me as a faith at all, in the positive sense of the word, but rather as a cruel and humorless ideology that needs to be laughed at.

Props to CH and its brave staff, and to the people who assembled the world over to show their support for the freedom of speech.